Michael Foster

Michael recently completed a Creative Writing MA at Newcastle University, during which time I contributed reports and commentaries to the student run paper ‘the Courier’, regularly reporting on issues ranging from the rise of social media to key sporting events. Upon completion of his MA, Michael has continued to write prolifically, reporting for the ‘Easingwold Advertiser,’ and has recently had a short story published as part of the ‘Home Tomorrow’ anthology.

A busy man, Michael is currently writing a children’s novel, and he also runs a blog with frequent updates of his eclectic range of work.

You can follow Michael on Twitter here.

And so, the end is near… – May 8th 2012

Michael Foster

If the Premier League were a big budget American TV show, we’d have long moved away from the opening and filler episodes and have now arrived at the season finale. Last weekend’s round of games would have served as first of a climatic two parter, where the established threads and plot points are dramatically resolved. And enough intrigue was provided to keep viewers twiddling their thumbs in anticipation for next Sundays’ epic conclusion.

Of course season finales are often where supporting characters meet their untimely end, and on Monday it was Blackburn’s turn to bite the bullet. An assassin named Alcaraz proved their demise, with a powerful header flummoxing Paul Robinson and ringing the death knell for a decade of top flight football. The signs have been there for some time, but Blackburn fans hoping for a narrative blindside were left disappointed. At least the recently founded ‘Kean out’ Choral Society will have plenty to sing about.

There’s only room for one more dramatic death, and now Wigan have completed their annual resurrection from the dead it can only be either Bolton or QPR. Like those scenes where the hero has to make a choice between two characters over who dies and who is spared. At one point it looked like Bolton would be survive the drop, though a late goal from pop sensation James Morrison, now strangely a substitute for West Brom, dented their hopes of an early escape. QPR had better luck against Stoke, but with the toughest of tough tests on Sunday they’ll be hoping the team they beat won’t return the favour for Bolton.

Though providing favours for rival teams seems to be the recurring theme of this season, as indicated by the jostling for third and fourth position. The mood between the rival north London clubs has been unusually generous this season. At first Arsenal politely allowed Spurs to build a commanding lead, before Spurs kindly returned the favour by throwing it all away. But Arsenal were determined not to be outdone by their rivals hospitality, leaving the door wide open following a 3-3 draw against Norwich for Spurs to retake third place. But no, Spurs couldn’t possibly have accepted this wonderful gift, and had to politely decline it with a 1-1 draw against Aston Villa. How lovely to see such normally fierce rivals shower each other with such blatant generosity, only to throw it all in the others face.

And while this was going on Newcastle were sneaking up behind them with the subtlety of a black and white Rhino. Papiss Cisse was unable to replicate his wonder goal scored against Chelsea, Man City proving to be this remarkable new superhero’s kryptonite. It leaves three teams separated by one point, and only two Champions League places available. A tasty prospect, given they all know fourth may not be enough if Chelsea employ their newly discovered brand of confidence/black magic against Bayern Munich. I hear Abramovic has discarded his Messi voodoo doll and is busy puncturing the one bearing Arjen Robben’s likeness.

And, of course, there’s the main plot point: the epic showdown between the two main characters. If it were a Western they’d be the old sheriff versus the fresh faced kid staring each other down with tumbleweed drifting past. At the moment Man City are likely to draw first, itching to pull their trigger finger and be crowned champions. But there’s still life in the old dog yet, and Man Utd will be ready to pounce should Man City falter.

So the scene is set, the players have taken centre stage and the nerds are ready to furiously vent their opinions over the unfolding events on internet forums. I suggest you grab some popcorn and some fizzy pop, and enjoy the spectacle. And remember, season finales are often where the unexpected happens when least expected.

Wigan Impossible – May 1st 2012

Michael Foster

Looking at Wigan Athletic, you sometimes feel like an eye patch wearing villain that has placed the dashing heroic superspy in a supposedly inescapable death trap. “Now I finally have you Wigan! There’s no escape this time!” the villain cackles at the wriggling hero, bolted to a table with a buzz saw that’s slowly but surely approaching. Then, out of nowhere, Wigan activates a gadget hidden in their wristwatch, so a hidden laser beam cuts away their shackles, allowing them to escape in the nick of time.

Every season a host of people line up saying, “Right, this year, Wigan down, definitely!” Every season looks like this time the doomsayers will be proved right, only for the team to rally at a late stage, clinging onto their Premier League status by their fingernails. This season more than ever fitted this trend. This winter Wigan’s prospects of Premier League survival seemed so remote, even Amoeba on the moons of Saturn considered them near certainties for the drop. But their recent resurrection right when it mattered has been so remarkable there’s something almost biblical about it.

How apt it is that a man named Moses was their miracle worker in their incredible win over Newcastle on Saturday. The way he parted the tangerine sea of defenders in their luminous away strip, to slot home two quick fire goals against a team challenging for Champions League football, is indicative of a team that knows how to scrap, and scrap pretty damn hard. Roberto Martinez must have felt like he’d held a leading role in Mission Impossible mid-season, but to his credit he rose to the impossible by sticking to his football philosophies and is now reaping the rewards. Perhaps not as jaw dropping a feat as swinging from a Dubai skyscraper, but an impressive turnaround nonetheless.

Compare Wigan’s terrifically defiant display against the odds with the way their relegation rivals fluffed their lines so spectacularly. Blackburn, in serious danger of being cut adrift before their clash against a stuttering Tottenham, failed to record even a single goal attempt. That’s right, not a sausage. It’s the first time since 2004 that has happened in the Premier League and it pretty much leaves Steve Kean staring into the gaping maw of oblivion. As for QPR, they were utterly annihilated by a rejuvenated Spaniard who has remembered, only recently it seems, that all he needs to banish his troubles is regularly kick a ball of leather into the big white net. At least Bolton showed some old-fashioned fight, their skipper Kevin Davies leading a gutsy display that was rewarded with a valuable point against Sunderland.

This year’s relegation scrap has seen more twists than a spinning turkey twizzler on a merry-go-round. Pundits have had to revise their predictions on an almost minute to minute basis.

“Right Bolton are definitely down, no wait, Blackburn, hang on, QPR now, right hold the phone…”

Each team at some point have found form which they subsequently threw away while the teams took their turn hitting a hot streak. Heck, right at the beginning of the season Wolves sat atop the league for the briefest of moments, before they plunged into the Championship with a heavy splash. Perhaps this season it will be all about who has hit form for the final stretch, which would mean the safe money is on Wigan.

Wednesday’s match at the Reebok against Spurs will perhaps determine the eventual fate of Bolton, though QPR have an unenviable pair of final games against Stoke and a certain sky blue team from Manchester. And then there’s a monster of a game on Monday where Wigan can all but assure survival while condemning Blackburn to a swift, merciless drop. And that’s the outcome you’d expect right now, with Wigan resembling the battered superspy charging through the villains exploding secret lair, with Blackburn looking like the hapless henchman trying to prevent their escape.

But who knows, the league has been anything but predictable this season. There is still time left for us to see a Martinez both shaken and stirred.